Rising in Love

by Susan Tate

February is the month with a holiday that celebrates love. I prefer to celebrate love every day. No need for Hallmark cards, flowers or chocolate. Oh, wait, I want to keep the chocolate! But really, I love love! I want to celebrate love every day. Do you?

At any time of year, we may hear people ecstatically proclaim they are falling in love. I wonder when the phrase “falling in love” was created? Shakespeare used the phrase in As You Like It, but was he the first? In other uses of the word “falling”, there seems to be an implication of: 1) losing control, and 2) descending rapidly with negative consequences. If you’re skating and you fall down—ouch, you hurt your butt! If the stock market falls—ouch, you hurt your bank account. If you should fall off a cliff . . . well, you get the idea.

Singer songwriter David Roth has created a beautiful song entitled “Rising in Love.” When I first heard it years ago, I was struck by the first verse:

Everyone looks for their calling in love
But I always find it surprising
The way people say that they're falling in love
When I always felt I was rising

I like the idea of rising in love. There is awe to it, a tender lightness around it and a place to aspire to rather than fall in to. So, let’s take a closer look at the idea of rising in love.

Might I suggest that we first rise in love with ourselves? If you gasped at that self-love concept, even a bit, it’s not surprising. It seems many of us were taught that loving ourselves was actually sinful and clearly an overriding product of the ego. That belief is almost always paired with the paradoxical concept many of us were also taught about being made in God’s image and likeness. I’ve heard it said that God doesn’t make junk! So, why shouldn’t we love ourselves? Why not create a love relationship with yourself?

Shakti Gawain’s insights were instrumental in guiding me in that higher direction. In her book Living in the Light, she offers this premise, “But relationships are not outside—they are inside of us; this is the simple truth that we must recognize and accept. My true relationship is my relationship with myself; all others are simply mirrors of it.” How would you describe your relationship with Your Self? Are your happy with it?

To those of you in a love relationship, what would it look or feel like to rise higher in love with your partner? Would you be better able to allow them their differences? Would you be able to be responsible for your own happiness and not expect the other to make you happy? The fairy tale assumption that we are supposed to make our partner happy is as silly as thinking we could exercise or eat organic foods for them so they could get healthier. Do you and your partner come to each other as completely whole rather than fractions of a whole? Do you believe the other person “completes” you? I don’t know about you, but I just gag every time I recall the Tom Cruise line in the film Jerry Maguire “You complete me.” No, no, no! You complete yourself!!!

If you are not currently in a relationship but are open to one, what would it feel like to envision a partnership where both people are lifting each other up—to be their highest and best selves? No one loses himself and both people have the potential to become more fully who they really are.

Rising in family love. Okay, this can get tricky. But what would the rewards be if we allowed our self to rise higher in love with a family member, despite the fact that they irritate the heck out of us, don’t have a clue as to who we are, or want us to believe exactly the same things they do? In some cases, this might involve “sending them love” from a pure and forgiving heart. (I’m talking about your heart now.) It may mean keeping your distance (a profound choice of love and empowerment), especially if it just isn’t safe to be in their presence. And it probably means you could rise in forgiveness too, if it feels like it’s the right time to do that. Remember, un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. And please know that when the time is right for you to forgive, you will.

I believe love can cure a lot of our own—and the world’s—dis-ease and unrest. I also truly believe that all this love stuff has to start with me first. Love is not outside of me and I really don’t want to fall into it. I desire to rise in love.

I’ve heard it said that if praying for peace would make it so, it would have already happened by now. Sages have offered the axiom “Peace begins with me.” In other words, only when I allow peace in my life and in all my relationships can I expect to see peace on earth. I think the same is true with love. Let love begin with me. Let the lovemaking for this world begin in each heart. Let love begin with you. Dare to celebrate and rise in love every day. Happy Love Day!